Movin' on up

When determining the bottom of the barrel of New York professionals it usually goes something like this:

-Investment bankers
-Crack dealers
-Illegal Arms traders
-Real Estate agents

Although I'm pretty sure those are interchangeable. If it were up to Ladybird and me, real estate agents would vault to the top (or bottom depending on how you look at it) of that list. However, it wasn't always that way. We actually held NY rentals agents in high regard. We thought they were the ones with the power to deliver people to a good home. Friendly voices that would comfort us through a stressful search. People to listen to what we wanted and match us with a perfect residence. Stupid us.

With weekends out of town in Mid-April and a May 1 move date, we packed our first (and pretty much only) search weekend with appointments starting on Friday night and went straight through Sunday afternoon. They were packed so tight, that we feared even the slightest delay would cause a chain reaction of tardiness, leading into a downward spiral which left us blackballed by the Manhattan Real Estate Brokers mafioso and, ultimately, homeless. We would stick to our plan, meet everyone on time and find a place by Sunday at 6 p.m.

We probably should figured that it was going to be a bit bumpy when our first broker, Sarah at Best Apartments, didn't bother to show up because she had an audition. Her boss informed us that that Sarah likely didn't have anything for us anyway. Well, then.

From there, the rest of our weekend became a blur of subway rides and meetings with Manhattan's real estate intellectual elite like Piero. He decided to host an open house for an apartment he wasn't legally allowed to rent. He also happened to be from Best Apartments, the downtown branch.

With each appointment we came a little bit closer to moving back to Boston. Many brokers didn't even have keys to open the doors. They relied on buzzing every tenant and hoping someone jumped at the chance to let a complete stranger into their building. Some brokers just didn't even bother showing up. James from New York Living Solutions told us that the first places he showed were really just to "kill time until he could get the keys for the better ones." This, of course, came minutes after us informing him that we're on a tight schedule.

After smarmily telling us we wouldn't find anything in our price range, Britney from Mark David Realty got us lost on the subway and locked out of every place she promised to show us. Apparently she wouldn't find anything in our range either.

Our last appointment of the day was with Ehren, who promised 2-3 places in our range. All we had to do was come to the office and we'd head out from there. Of course when we showed up we saw the company name on the front door - Best Apartments. Ladybird suggested we cut our losses and walk away before we even step inside. Of course we naively gave them the benefit of the doubt. Afterall, maybe it was just a few bad apples we encountered in their other two locations. Not everyone in the company must have been a transplant recipient of a baboon brain. Alas, we were right. Some had gotten orangutan brains. Others had acquired ones from apes. I'm not sure which one Ehren had, but it wasn't a brain that could remember our conversation from 15 minutes prior. She had no apartments to show. If we got anything out of them, its that we learned Best Apartments is indeed a primate's dream workplace.

By the time Sunday evening rolled around we had seen 4 habitable appartments. All of which were shown to us by an overly eager, speedwalking Israeli man who told us how Ladybird and I could have a hot shower together while enjoying a slight river view. If we tilted our heads to the left.

My carefully crafted list of select real estate specialists was about be used for self-imposed paper cuts, a less painful option than meeting with the names actually on it.

After a minor freakout each night of the week, we met Reison Dominguez from A.C. Lawrence. Ladybird was skeptical since the apartment we met him at was covered in scaffolding. But that changed the second he showed her the open kitchen space and brand new floors. He took us from place to place, talked us through each one and prepped us for what we were going to see. He even had keys for each one. How novel.

Our first two places fell through: one was bad timing and the other because of a bidding war. Yes, a bidding war for rent in a crappy economy. Reison knew our tight timeline and helped us lock in a place 14 hours after our other ones fell through. It was a bit more than we wanted to pay but at that point we didn't care. It was by far the nicest building we saw and our rental car back to Boston was already idling. We had to blow town.

In the end, we are happy to have met Reison and already referred him to two friends in their search. It's a shame that for every Reison there are 10 Britney, Ehren, and Pieros in the New York real estate rental market. Even in a down economy, when brokers should be dying to make sales, connections and customers, there just aren't enough honest, capable folks to do the job. If nothing else, this experience makes me feel good to know that if my current career falls through, I can make a living in New York real estate rentals. Apparently all it takes is actually getting some keys, a little bit of listening, and a brain that's slightly more evolved than a primate.

Michael McDonald will always B there.

Saw this on Family Guy tonight:


Which made me realize that Michael McDonald is the hardest working man in the music business:

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

And got me thinking about how "What a Fool Believes" got made:


Which ultimately lead to him changing hip-hop forever:


Enjoy the smooth sounds.

Sleeper Hold

Last night really began for me in the mid-1980's. I would sneak out of bed or fake some sort of insomnia/illness just to get a glimpse of Saturday Night Live. Of course, when I became a bit more technically inclined, I would just set the VCR and catch up on what I missed the next morning. Hartman, Carvey, Nealon, Miller, Myers, Hooks, Lovitz, and Dunne all became a regular presence in my popular culture.

So, when I heard that a former SNL writer from that era was taking over Letterman's spot, I couldn't help but fall in love with at least the idea. It was a perfect fit. For the first time, a network was bringing a bit of the SNL style and edge to weekday late night talk-show format. How could it go wrong? At least for us geeks who obsessed over it's weekend predecessor.

It's been documented ad nauseaum about Conan's short-comings during his first few years. To add insult to injury, my 11th grade history teacher, Mrs. French was Conan's cousin. And when we asked what she thought of his first week, all she could muster up was a "ehhhh." But I didn't care because like almost every great SNL skit from that era, there was sure to be something memorable about the show, either good and bad.

The rest is history. Things settled down. The show found its groove and regularly hit it out of the park. Conan never really grew into the role of interviewer, but it didn't matter. He knew how to make a generation laugh in a different way: Skits, self-deprecating humor, bringing guests in on the joke and great characters. Here's some of my favorites from Conan's first foray into the late night world.

The agency identity crisis

Quick question (OK, 2):
1) Is your agency, you know, if you work for an agency, more set up to succeed at Cannes or SXSW?

2) Do you want said agency to be more Cannes or SXSW?

Recession Television

With the impending doom that is Jay Leno taking over the 10 p.m. spot and reality TV becoming more of a primetime staple, network television continues to devolve to the lowest common denominator. Less original programs, more crapola. And we're just supposed to deal with it. Thanks, a lot dickweeds.

Access and reach of digital media, looser basic cable standards & practices as well as a wider dissemination of quality programming have all helped do a number on the old network dominance. While they haven't been left in the dust, they have certainly been beaten around quite a bit. As they deserve be. They can't keep up using an antiquated and ineffective ratings system as well as an ad model that can feel too intrusive (you don't think we see how bad and blatant your product placement is, but we do). That doesn't mean they should stop at least feigning interest in the average viewer. With a recession hanging over us like a pungent fart that isn't going away no matter how many windows are open, is this the time for networks to make a play and take back at least a shred of their dignity? Anywhoo, here's a few thoughts as to what those dirtbags can do to get off their ass and come back with. Afterall, America loves a comeback.

Saturday Night at the Fights
Yes, I know I'm biased when it comes to boxing, but the PPV model for big name fighters is so hit-or-miss (no pun intended). People who paid $50 for De La Hoya - Pacquaio last month were treated to an entire card that was uncompetitive with the first 3 fights only going a total of 5 rounds. Will people shell out $40 to watch Miguel Cotto in a warm-up fight? Probably not in this economy. But will they watch him in a free fight on network TV against a worthy, but unlikely victorious opponent? Of course. PPVs can still work, but they can't work in a silo. HBO's reach is too small and the sport isn't being exposed to the same broad audience that MLB, NBA or NFL are. Hell, the XFL even had bigger reach than boxing. Perhaps network can't live alone either, but be an integral cog in a 3 tier system.

Tier 1 - PPV
Only the biggest fights of the year get a PPV match (Unification fights, pound for pound champs, etc.).

Tier 2 - Network
Networks show championship fights in less popular weight classes (featherweight, cruiserweight, heavyweight) as well as warm-up fights for big-name champs in the major classes (welterweight, middleweight). Its also a perfect venue to introduce the rising stars as well as segue Olympic heroes into the pros. Oscar De La Hoya did a good job of this last year on HBO, creating both an original series (24/7) and having free fights against a known fighter to get people talking prior to Pacquaio (Oscar vs. Forbes).

This is a prime idea for folks like Viacom/Showtime to get a piece of this action from HBO and promote their own ShoBox PPV agenda.Viacom actually had a decent idea with the EliteXC programming, but they were in bed with the minor leagues.

Tier 3 - ESPN
Let the diehards have their weekly programming featuring pros at all levels and records. Those who are truly fans of the sport will stick with this.

If for no other reason, networks should consider it because of the cost. It's cheaper to produce one of these events and pay for a big name fighter than create some crappy mystery-drama that no one is watching.

Commercial free programming
Sure, it's gimmicky, but who cares. Solo sponsors and limited interruptions are sometimes used for for season premieres or truly big events. So what about if an entire network shifted its primetime ad model to deliver a block of programming with one sponsor? It will draw attention and show consumers that the network cares about entertaining first and selling second.

Go through the line
Yes, I did just throw out some incredibly lame dickfaced advertising speak. My apologies. However, terminology aside, wouldn't it be interesting if ABC partnered with a FunnyorDie.com or College Humor to continue an online show in primetime and vice-versa? Its storytelling at its best that helps create deeper characters, richer storylines and keep people's attention long enough without boring them. These sites have star power that can capture a TV audience as well as an online one. More importantly, its an opportunity for networks and digital media with huge fan bases to work together and create a farm system to nurture talent from within. Just as SNL moves cast members through their hallways and into movies, networks can spinoff the talent (with a built-in fanbase) from these shorter programs into their own shows.

Admittedly, its a tall order to ask people to go back and forth between mediums to stick with a story, but if the programming is good enough and the segments are taken out of the traditional 30 Minute format, it may be enough to keep people intrigued, which leads us to:

45 minute comedy
24 minutes never seems enough for an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and the 1 hour Office specials always had too much filler. Why not find that happy medium and give people a little bit more, but not too much that they tune out?

Commercial of the year

I don't know why I'm only seeing this now. I work in advertising for crying out loud. Great storytelling and beautifully shot by David Fincher. Too bad LT doesn't move like that anymore. Or is it more telling that he gets stopped by Polamalu?

A Job on the Jobber

As I prepare for the release of the movie I'm most looking forward to this year (and the triumphant return of one Mickey Rourke), I couldn't help take a look back at some of my favorite old WWF characters. The top of the list includes Rowdy Roddy Piper and his Piper's Pit segment. Every week Piper would interview some schlub and 99.99% of the time, it would end up with Piper berating and beating the poor guest. The one that stands out is his interview with legendary jobber Frankie Williams. Just one of the worst performing wrestlers of my youth, Piper delivers a particularly savage beating to the journeyman. Enjoy.

Hefty Lefties

For those who love the pomp and circumstance of the Boston Red Sox and downright craftiness (read: seediness) of southpaws, check out the latest article on the Sox' greatest lefties at NESN.com. Jeb Fisher lists the top 8 in team history and even treats visitors to the history of one very special nickname. If for no other reason, check it out because he compared one pitcher to a "malnourished giraffe".

Misty Peppers!

The power of Hulu has brought joy to me and the ladybird. It's also reminded me to create a safe word in case we ever ended up at some strange key party. Mine will probably be "Farina Hot Cereal". If your looking for inspiration, feel free to check out one of our favorite sketches from the early days of Tina Fey as an actress. Of course, they turned Horatio Sans' character into a regular and spoiled the fun of the skit. But afterall, beating a skit or character into the room is what they seem to do best. Regardless, enjoy Misty and Jean-George Peppers at their finest.

Marital Inspiration

The day before my wedding, my best man saw that I was a wee bit tense. I suppose lifetime commitment will do that to a guy. Like a good best man should, he reminded me that no matter how I felt, no matter what I was thinking at that moment, I could always seek comfort in the company of some furry friends.



I'm sure ladybird didn't appreciate me telling her to "say hello to her mother" and that seeing her was "blowing my mind, right now." The good news is that she didn't have a choice. The place was paid for.

The Million Dollar Man

Meet Seth McFarlane, Fox's newest $100 Million Man.

Humbled

Just catching up on campaign ads from around the country and was thinking about the lack of those well scripted, emotionally driving ads I grew up with. They told a story without having to shove an attack on an opponent or campaign talking point in your face. Many used metaphors, but even at their most basic, they were simple visual, audio and message elements that were constructed in such a way to resonate and strike a heart string. That's when I stumbled upon this ad from the Tom Udall's victorious New Mexico Senatorial race. It's simple and heart wrenching. Also, Tom Udall,'s humbled message at the end comes across as sincere, unlike so many politicians.

Bureaucrat the vote

Congrats to nyc election officials for another outstanding year of inefficiences in the voting process. In the primaries my polling place locked out an entire party from eligibility. Today in the general, it was 3 seperate lines and making ladybird do affidavit voting because they forgot to transfer her signature. Oh yeah, they spelled her name wrong too.

While I'm on the warpath, 1) what about asking for some ID when you get to the booth. Voter fraud wouldn't be so scary if it weren't so east and believable. And 2) lay out what a yes and no vote on questions mean. These convoluted descriptions do a great job of using double negatives but a terrible job of making sense. More rants coming later as the "most important election of all time for eternity," or watever proclaimation they are giving it now, unfolds.

Trying life cast out.

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Blogwriter

Trying out the blogwritter iPhone app. So far it makes me want to use it versus the alternative: watching desperate housewives with ladybird. More to report after I check this badboy out on the site.